Come with me..

Why is it hard to let go of something you’ve loved so much?

What does it mean to die for your life? Or to die so that others may live?

This is supposed to be my last year. I had plans. I had motherfuckin plans. I feel sad that for some people who complain about losing, they argue on the premise that because of their previous achievements, there’s no reason for them to fuck up. They forget that while they have a heap of medals to brag about, each round is extremely different. It makes me sad even more that people lose precisely because they have less (or none at all) achievements to back them up in a perception-based-game.


I am leaving, and even if I am going without that award, if I can’t win anything, I feel that someday, someone who I trained will do that for me, for us, for the people who trained hard but fell a little bit short.

To the SBDS:
Keith, Pao, Rafi, Jerome, Earl, Jecko, Cairo, Rose Ann, I am proud of what you guys have become. You will have your time, you will shine soon. You are far better than how I was when I was your age. If you go against other teams, never be afraid, they feel the same way like you do anyway, they feel threatened. Just train. And train. And train. And kill. Do not give up, do not feel bad for what happened. Live. But do not be a part of the web. Jed, JP, Trish, Bok, Jep, thank you. Jed, IV’s!!! Gian, may PIDC pa, may AUDC pa. Pag bumalik ka next year, babalik ako, pag hindi, team adj padin.

To Jesus, Rose Lyn, Stef, Sir Joeven, Marko, JJ, Ryan, Anna, Clyde:
Thank you for the genuine friendship. Debate destroys potentially good relationships, but I thank you that our respect for each other transcends debate tourneys. Thank you for being the few people who are true in a world of lies and backstabbing.

Now I see how people play the game and how it has changed a lot of people. People whom I respected and loved changed, very very very sad.. Debate is like football, free for all, battle of the strongest. Sophisticatedly Barbaric.

I wonder how it feels to play the same way. Should I play the same way too? Cause’ if you can’t respect my life, why should I respect yours too?

Being there is one thing. Being respected is another. And while on the one hand, you’re there, on the other hand, you will never have mine. Because respect begets respect.

Kadiri ka lang. eew. haha

WTF. Most (if not all) of my friends are already free, embracing their pillows and succumbing to the comfort of their beds. Sem break for them has arrived, hell week for me will start tomorrow. WTF WTF WTF. What annoys me more is that on Saturday, after my 4-7pm exam, I only have until 11pm to pack. Our flight is at 4am in the morning. Pulubi Beda. Sa mura nagschedule ng flight. Pakshet. X.x

It amazes how fast time pass. Seems like yesterday when I was a beginner at debating and I would wonder what the fcuk the motion was.; When seven minutes seemed like forever to finish—when I still suck. Erm.

I think this NDC will be very, very VERY special for me. It will be my last and I really really really swear I won’t debate anymore next year. So if I lose before “the” round, it will really really make me feel bad (more than losing in semis last year, amen! I had plans, shet I had plans.).

Gian and I had this funny conversation (which I think isn’t as weird compared to my bitteran mode with Voltaire, Gian says, it’s ego feeding program time) earlier while we were walking to Podium after we purchased tickets, apparently he never answered my question seriously and I hate it when he does that, sometimes it helps that your teammate shares the same goal ang aspiration that you do. Kay Garcia, deadma.

J: Bakit tayo matatalo nila (insert teammates)?
G: E magaling naman sila eh, I’d say it would be very very close.
J: E ng (insert team)?
G: Naku, team hotness yan, mabenta sa adj. Bili tayo ng boobs!
J: E nila (insert friends)?
G: Sabihin nalang natin, “frieeeeeeeeeeeeend, may isang taon ka pa, mag 2points ka nalang muna ha? Maganda ka naman e… HOLY pa…”
J: E pag si Mr. Bigotilyo?
G: Ay putangina Maulit, pag tinalo tayo nun di nako magpapakita sa contingent.
J: Pano pag San Beda team nakalaban natin?
G: Ay, itetext ko sila na mag self destruct. Yung tipong mababaliw na dapat para sure third tayo.
J: Eto seryoso, anong goal mo?
G: (thinks and seriously answers) Honestly…. Gusto ko…. And gagawin ko ang best ko…. Para… Magbreak.


Putang ina! =)) NDC na, grawr. Kill! FTW. The motherfucking win. ANIMO!


Ay shet, before NDC, I have to endure 6 days of hell pala. Pakshet. Back to work!

July 8, 2008

Dear moonshine,

It pains me to think that we can never be, that there will be no possibility of me and you having a future together. It surprises me as well to have found out that you have changed a lot in me, and I welcome these change with open arms. I refuse to let you know how I feel, I refuse to make moves-- because I am contented in where I am, where we are, in our friendship. I honestly don't think I can ask you for more than what we have. I will regret it in the future (I'm sure), because this is a risk I don't think I am willing to take. I will probably think about the 'what-might-have-been' for quite some time. In the "now" however, I am contented of feeling this, falling for you without you knowing.



I give up.



This is ridiculous. How can I surrender something that has never been mine? How do I end something that has never started? How do I ache for something that never was? Because that's how I feel right now, happiness and loneliness. A combination of both. Feelings that are so sweet and painful that I have no choice but to be addicted. Feelings that slowly kill me but at the same time keep me alive.



I will always be here for you. Watching silently, loving in distance.



-Jayson

I have been lazy these days, and so instead of reading up stuffs for the Square-off quarter-finals against AMDU (1st VS 5th …wtf?!), or for CSB IVs with Peter and Evan (pressure,eh?), or maybe, just maybe, PIDC, I have drowned myself in reading books that I bought in the past. Last week, I read Harry Potter 4 (for the nth time), John Grisham books: The Pelican Brief, The Partner, Runaway Jury, and A Painted House (which I borrowed from Tracey). A Painted House was very boring. Aside from defining on what does it feel to be a farmer in the 1950’s and some random conflicts here and there, I really didn’t feel that it was a Grisham book. I mean, The Last Partner saved our freakin’ butts in AUDC last year against NTU in that sexual history in courts motion, which means, Grisham books are more of the detailed instead of the airy-fairy ones.

Anyway, after Grisham-ing last week, I decided to dig up my Coehllo books. I was supposed to read The Zahir again, but then I remembered my Zahir, and I don’t wanna bring back memories of that person, never again. Haha.

So I decided to read Eleven Minutes again; one of Coehllo’s best book, next only to Veronika Decides to Die (I don’t know if Aaron or Elea will agree,though). I read some interesting parts and I wanna quote it. Hehe

These are from Maria’s diary, I like her views on life, lust and love… L. hehe

“Although my aim is to understand love, and although I suffer to think of the people to whom I gave my heart, I see that those who have touched my heart failed to arouse my body, and those who have aroused my body failed to touch my heart.”

The line “…that those who have touched my heart failed to arouse my body…” doesn’t really apply to me. For those who know me well, they know that I have been in a relationship only once. And it was that same relationship that made me afraid to commit again. After the break-up (and after sometime, meeting other people), I just wanted to be in a set-up where no attachments are needed, where you enjoy the company of each other at that specific moment, without expecting too much in return, a set-up where you can just leave when you feel like you have to.

Teacher Jenny calls it running away from commitment, I told her that I was just making sure I wouldn’t be caught in the web of complications I was in before. She said I was afraid to get hurt, I said I am doing this to avoid getting hurt. Haha But now that I objectively look at it, I hurt people in the attempt to protect myself. Shellpissh. Tsktsk. I hurt a couple of people along the way, one whom I consider a good friend (until now), and one who I haven’t talked to in ages. And to you both, I am sorry.

“The little experience of life I’ve had has taught me that no one owns anything, that everything is an illusion --- and that applies to material as well as spiritual things. Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever (as has happened enough to me already) finally comes to realize that nothing belongs to them. And if nothing belongs to me, then there’s no point wasting my time looking for things that aren’t mine; It’s best to live as if today is the first (or last) day of my life.”


Heavy. But that explains how I feel about relationships. It’s a potentially beautiful thing, which has the (equal) propensity to turn out otherwise. And that it’s best to just let everything fall into place. No strings attached (maybe for now), so that if they LEAVE, you continue o LIVE.

April asked me last valentine’s day: “kumusta ang puso mo?”, to which I answered: “mabuti naman… ang puso ko, ay akin na muli.” It sounded poetic in a very weird way. Haha!

I know, it will contradict the last line in my previous blog, but, I don’t wanna consciously look for YOU. By consciously looking for someone, you tend to miss a lot of things because of the specificity of the standards set. Maybe, just maybe, It’s your time to search. Maybe it’s you who has to make me fall—hard. Haha!

And now, I have to matterload. I don’t want tomorrow to be our last night (and I want that phone!).


Square-Off. Grr.

A simple apology would have been enough--it's a kick in his ego balls. I really don't care about who the politicians are screwing anyway. The special case about Spitzer is that he has posed himself to be the self-righteous man who has a vow to protect the values and morality of the American family, hell bent on curbing something that he patronizes in the first place. Just like any other politician.

Politician = Walking contradiction. Why, am I not surprised.

I’ve been having a hard time making blogs lately. I seem to be disoriented everytime I sit in front of my computer.

I really am surprised how fast time passed (me) by. How many people left, how many opportunities knocked, how many relationships started and /or ended, blahblahblah.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately. What do I really wanna be, and why do I want it in the first place. I feel that I’ve made a lot of rushed decisions only to regret most (if not all) in the end. Maybe this time, I’d do a little bit of (intense) internalization before I do something.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend before about long-term goals. He was supposed to study abroad and we talked about what careers do we really want to have in the future. He said he wanted to study abroad but he hates to leave people he learned to love over the years. When I look back at that conversation, it surprises me how much I have changed.

Like him, I was confined to my tiny bubble before. Routines, cycles, repetitions; and those wore okay with me, I liked it. Doing the same things with the same people was my security blanket.

I was protective of my friends, I’d easily get jealous and I can’t do anything on my own—I’d always need them.

Lately, though, I started to realize how much circles have I been to, how much people left, came, left again, and came back. And surprisingly, most of them don’t affect me anymore (as much as it did before). I think disattaching myself to a lot of things has made my life less complicated.

I don’t like being mushy as much as I did before (d’you remember the poem I gave you in highschool? Hehe), and I’ve learned to let go, when it’s time to let go. You move on, you look back, and go ahead. Meeting, staying, and leaving and letting go are necessary events in life, don’t get too excited and stuck with any of them.

On a lighter note, I’ve been spending my weekends playing football in UP. I think it’s definitely better than snoozing and eating all day long, which I still do, after playing. Sunken has captivated me for reasons I can’t explain, whether it’s a football game or drinking with Faye and the Miriam girls.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately. Someone I know calls it the ‘senior’ syndrome. Funny though, I’ve been feeling this for two years now, in the same month, with the same thoughts. My original batch mates are almost finished with their first year of (torture) law. I am surprised to hear that some of them are quitting. Law = torture.

I still think of being a lawyer, maybe I just need to find (again) the reason why. I also think that having a single career is boring and very stressful. And as of the moment, I have three in mind—Lawyer-ing (Hehe), teaching, and cooking. Yes. I will enroll in a culinary school the day after I pass the bar. Grawr. Hehe

PIDC is coming, one thing is for sure, and I am not debating. Maybe I’ll go adj, but I am still contemplating. Debate has been fun, but I also wanna start doing different things.

Job asked me “di mo ba love debate?”.

I said “I do, but debate, like most relationships, are not meant to last.”

I still have a tournament though, with Peter and Evan. I hope we rock. J


Next year, I will walk in red, I promise. But for the meantime, I will have to endure the thousand tiny daggers flying at me while I see you walk to the stage. Bye 08. It has been great.

and so. the path to retirement has come. :)i hope all pinoy teams do well in worlds. Happy new year everyone!

I write this entry while I am a little bit tipsy. The stress of second semester has already affected me; two weeks before worlds and i feel that my matter is inferior.. three weeks before Christmas and i still have nobody to sit under the mistletoe with(well, i have someone at the happy crush level (as berna,my good friend calls her), except that kissing under the mistletoe is more of a dream than a reality to me...).

I drank because it is faye's pre birthday celebration. It's her 18th on the 11th :). dalaga ka na.

Four years of friendshp pot pot. :) and more to come. :)

I met her and paolo earlier this afternoon (well, early evening around 6 pm to be exact) in mini-stop katipunan. Paolo bought her a boquet of flowers from dangwa, faye *hinted last night that she never received flowers from anyone. EVER. I told her it's not much of a difference 'cause it shouldn't be a big deal even if i knew she wouldn't feel any better (if i were a girl, flowers would mean so much to me too...) We will pick her new planner in robinson's galleria. The timing .. dammit...of all fucked-up schedule, this was the worst.Traffic was bad at katipunan. We can't get a cab, We have to shop for ingredients (I plan to cook shrimp and clam linguini in butter and garlic sauce plus caramelized pineapple with zesty cream for dessert), and we have to endure the bus travel from galle to the mountains of binangonan just to start cooking. We finally decided that a taking a cab to galle (from katips) is not the brightest thing to do. We went to LRT katips and agreed to take the cab in gateway. putang ina, ang haba ng pila. One of the many things i hate to do is to fall in line, especially when you badly get out of that place (cafeteria, entrance of malls, etc)... I just don't wanna be in Katipunan right now.

Aside from falling in line, i also hate waiting for a cab--patience, patience, patience...is a virtue.. This night probably is the worst for me. so many shoppers, so many lovers (shopping?). SO MANY PEOPLE WAITING FOR A TAXI. putang ina ulit.


We finally got the chance to get a cab (and i was happy for the first time) and had a long laughtrip/roadtrip from gateway to galle. Making fun of faye never ceases to make laugh (mahal namin si faye, kahit ganyan ang itsura nya... her friend replies "mahal din naman namin si faye pero di na namin sinasabi yung next line mo.. lam na nating lahat yun...").

We finally arrive at galleria, she went to coffee bean with paolo and i went to a bookstore with her friends. They want to buy Neil Gaiman's book, I wanna buy faye a set of glitter pens (something she's been begging me for Christmas when she found out I bought "someone" a set...). The first bookstore (superbookstore for me and her friends) was a failure, but the ever reliable national bookstore didn't fail me..paolo bought her a tiger headband from UST, i hope she likes my gift too.. I'd feel bad if she doesn't-- i bought her an 8-piece glitter pen (world's budget!!!).

After picking her planner, we headed to the grocery and this was where the problem began....The supermarket was out of fresh clams. HOW THE HELL WILL I MAKE THE PASTA WITHOUT CLAMS???? Faye suggested alternatives. Chicken. Eengk, It won't go well with shrimp. She said squid rings. EENGGK. I am not cooking palabok. The squid is too malansa without tomato based sauce--and i don't want red sauce for tonight... tick, tick. tick. FINE, i'll do red sauce. putang ina. bad day. We bought squid rings, fresh basil leaves, dried basil leaves, fresh parsley, mint leaves, (for the dessert and drinks), oranges and lemons (for the zesty cream),sliced pineapples, smoked oysters, tomato paste, canned crushed tomatoes, herb style pasta sauce, AND VODKA. :)) The other ingredients were already bought by tita lei. :P

We took the bus going to taytay. Aside from the fact that we stood for the most part of the trip home, the ride was good. We talked about highschool stuffs, a LOOOOOOOONG ride home is an opportunity to reminisce. It was nostalgic. And it was funny how we easily talk of things we considered sensitive before. Faye liked Pao before, now they're best friends.I wasn't close with faye in highschool,now we are inseparable. Paolo was the most shy guy in our department, but now shy is not a word you put next beside his name. Memories. wow. In highschool I was sooo into joyce. After the sudden "break-up" of something that never was (by me),things weren't just the same.

Our lives were never like what we had in highschool.

Fine, it's still pao and dyan, but when you look at me and faye, we don't like the same things anymore. Faye is not the boyband fan anymore, and I am not the geeky 13-year old kid anymore. It's like the highschool wallflowers have already found their places in the fieldsthey love most.. Pao is the top of his batch in the Mech.Eng Dept. of UST, Faye one of the best Com. students in MC, and I (would like to think..) am slowly building my debate career (SEMIS... ouch... hayyyyy).

We finally arrive at binangonan, i asked if we could walk from the gate of St. Monique Valais to faye's house, I told them we need to burn carbs for later. It is already 9:30 pm. My estimate is that we'll eat by 1am. They agreed to walk. The sky was filled with stars. Faye said that the boquet was beautiful, she was telling the truth. She said that the flowers can define her... "Akong- ako ang bulaklak... stargazer..love you guys...", she said. I did not react but secretly smiled. Not the time to be senti. Yet.

We arrived at her place and started cooking. They deveined the shrimp and chopped the onions, I chopped the basil, parsley, and garlic. We talked about pao and how his relationship is failing. I don't believe in traditional gender roles anymore, I'm okay with the guy doing the girl thing, I'm okay with the reversal of roles, it's sad to think that the reason why things seem so bad between him and dyan is the fact that both are reneging from their prescribed gender roles, the guy being the dominating partner and the girl the honest partner. At least he has a lovelife. PUT...ahhhh.... whew. happy crush, berna, happy crush. Faye is obviouly siding pao, I am too, actually, but i am not against dyan. It just doesn't seem fair to side against someone who's not there to defend herself. I tried to be neutral. I am neutral. I finished my part for the pasta and started working on the zest. I had a hard time peeling the lemon thinly, careful that roughage will be included to the skin i neatly peel. After deveining the shrimps, i told them to combine the mint with the cream (i refrigerated earlier [cold cream is easier to whip]) and to pour the lemon and orange juice in it and start whipping. 5, 10 minutes passed. No progress. It was because of the mixer. :)) After finishing the lemon zest, i combined it with melted butter and sugar. Wow, zesty caramel.Yum-- but the work is far from being finished. I work on the pasta sauce, i love sauteing, i love the smell of garlic in olive il, i love the smell of basil combined with shrimp, squid and oyster, i love the smell of tomato paste, and lastly, i love the smell of the finished sauce.. the sauce, pasta, and dessert are finished ( but the work is far from being finished).

It is already 1am, we decided to to eat outside the house, on the neatly mowed lawn and underneath the starry skies...Pao and i set up the place. Sliced melons and brownies in one plate, roasted chicken on another,the pasta, the caramelized pineapple,the candle-- and lastly, the alchohol. Faye had never been into a real drinking session before, and I am glad to be a part of her first.

We hid our gifts under the bush in their yard, we made her stay inside until we were finished, after which i put a blindfold on her and led her to the garden. Pao videotaped faye's walk from the door to the garden. It was a walk to remember; each step was full of memories from good old times. It was very nostalgic. I know she wanted to cry.. Probably because of the effort, or probably because of the two guys with croaky voices singing "happpeee *laugh* bertdey" to her in the middle of the night. We made her sit down, pao put the hairband on her head. she looked like royalty. A BIG PRINCESS *evil laugh*.

She took off the blindfold, and i gave her my gift, after she opened it from the bookstore's plastic bag (because i didn't have the chance to have it giftwrapped), all she said was "Oh my goshhh...". There was genuine appreciation in her voice. I am happy that she was happy.

We ate. Never mind the calories, never mind the mosquitos (i remembered suddenly how SHE texted me the other night that it was brown-out at her place and that mosquitoes were feasting on her-- I wanted to go to her place to bring her a repellant), never mind the weirded-out people that looked at us from the cars that passed by her street. We really didn't care about the world; tita was sound asleep and she will never know that we broke the rule about alcohol. Tonight, this is just about her (advanced celebration) 18th birthday, her coming of age, her entry to the world of reality. If she kills somebody, its not the juvenile justice system that will be imposed on her, she will be treated as an ordinary criminal now. She can marry without her parents' consent now. SHE CAN DRIVE ALREADY! I so envy her and her black chevy. Tonight, it's not about paolo's heartaches-- or mine. Tonight was not about anybody else in the world, it was about three young souls celebrating the beauty of life, three old friends reaffirming the commitment of a lifetime relationship. She said it was the happiest night of her life. AWW. She said my pasta was better than TOSH's seafood marinara... AAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! :p Ang cheap ko, ang dali ko mauto! :p

We finished the first pitcher, she was kinda tipsy already. I mixed the second pitcher. More rounds to go.She is talkative but i never saw her talk this fast. "Naka-kiss na kayo?" and other questions (which i will not post to protect our names--wahahaha) were asked. We (even paolo!!!) gamely answered, and then I realized I was tipsy too. We talked about relationships, s topic we aren't comfortable talking together. It surprised me that I can openly talk about cynara (my first formal girlfriend whom i broke up a year ago) already. Maybe because of the alcohol...maybe not. :)

It's not because of the alcohol, I am sure.

After what seemed like eternity, we finished eating. I concluded that the alcohol already kicked into her because she was shouting "BERTDEY KO!" at everyone from the passing vehicles. The alcohol had finally kicked into me because when pao dared me to lie on the road (its one of the crazy things i do when I am drunk, thus my friendster picture)-- I gamely did.

I had to stop. Im adjing Idea2 later. AC is competing and I wanna see the girls-- my girls. I have been them in training for a few times only but I feel for the team. I know how much they wanna win. I'd like to think that having two teams break in PSDC is a good start and that we could achieve more in the next tourneys. I don't get paid for training them, it's a labor of love. Aside from seeing AC, I am one of the CA's bitches (in a non-sexual way you filthy mind!) and he has threatened me that he will boycott Idea3 if i don't show up (I remembered her again, she won last year). She said she had bailey's in the refrigerator-- to hell with stopping, I can give a good oral adj even when I am drunk and suffering from the lack of sleep. We didn't finish the whole bottle, she was very sleepy according to her. She's a weakling. Paolo didn't like to drink anymore too. Weakling. I am not a drunkard but I can still drink!!! Instead, she asked us to write in her diary using one of the glitter pens i gave her. I will, later.

In her sleep she mumbles "alam mo, you are a chef at heart.. you don't need the cookbooks. it's your heart that cooks. its what makes the food special, the love you put into it." Aww again. I'm planning to take up culinary arts in the future, maybe at CCA or at Sylvia Reynoso's. I really want to be properly educated in cooking. After taking up law perhaps.I feel that this is an area where I am naturally good at. I will open my restaurant someday. It's one of the few things I am sure of at this point in my life. I will be a lawyer, then I will cook for everyone I love.

Aside from my sisters and my mom (and the rest of our family), I only cooked for three girls. The first one is Cynara, a friend (yes she is a friend..again. because my heart is mine.. again.. i already, finally, got it back..again), a person whom I shared many firsts with. First movie date, first girl I have ever given a bouquet of flowers to, first committed relationship, first kiss, first heartbreak, first girl i cried for. The fact that i openly write about this can mean two things, I am really over her, second, I am drunk, or both. The second one is Jikkie, my best friend in college, we call each other beshu. I cooked Pochero and adobo at 1am in her house one time she was sick. And of course faye. I have two sisters, the older one is 15 years old, the other, 9 years. The age gaps seem to big for me to be my crazy self with them. We are close, but if there is someone close enough to me for me to consider her a sibling, it would be Faye. I would always go to her house and cook if she wants me too 24 hours a day 7 days a week (from 7am-12pm mondays thru wednesdays.bwahaha).

I only cook for a girl when she is extremely important for me. I don't know if it's the alcohol kicking into me, but If you ask me if I will cook for someone other than the three mentioned above, I will answer yes without a doubt. I will cook for her whenever she likes, and this time I answer with a smile on my face. hehe.

I consumed many calories; feel-good-food = fatty foods. I will burn this tomorrow in the gym. ( I remembered what she said.. that she doesn't believe in the idea of staying fit by inflicting pain on yourself... it made me laugh. I'm amazed at how she made it sound like a negative value.. idol. she'll be dinosaur someday..) The alcohol, i think has left its influence on me, its 7:10 am, Faye and Paolo are sound asleep on the carpet, tita lei is eating her breakfast--everything i cooked, I will take a bath in a while and go to Xavier for IDeA. This will be a long day.'

It's the first time i wrote a long entry. I should drink more often. hehe.

If you are reading this, I want you to know that I want to cook for you. And if you don't agree (i know you wanna be consistent.. yeah...), I want you to know that I will always look forward to the day that you let me do that for you. As I've said, I'm happy, I don't want to complicate things.

And I'm sorry for butchering your last name the first time I adjd with you.. Anyway,good morning, gutanko. :)

I'm back from baguio, slept for two days and is ready for the coming semester. NDC is a very happy and depressing tournament for me. Gian and I reached semis, failed to make it to the finals (although sharms had a different call)and were just contented in cheering for our "bets" to win the championship. Honestly, i miss the old championship rounds. the ones that'll change your decision every time another speaker speaks. this year, you just seem to know who will win the NDC. hehe.

Anyway, gian and i broke 10th with 15 points in the over-all rankings, after our team broke, the capping for ADS teams begun.I cant say that the bracket was hard, although there were some strong teams we had to meet along the way, some we lost to (and we agree), some we lost to (and we highly disagree), and some we've beaten (i dont care if they disagree) haha.

It's very painful to almost reach the goal but be kicked out in the last minute. NDC semis was something we've already trained last year, I don't know why we were shaky in that round. If there is a person who uses "SAYANG" in every sentence, it would be me. If being booted out of semis is already painful, you should look at the tabs. 1 point short of making it to the top ten. Its funny. :)) Almost there but not quite. (next time kasi, iwasan ang magka74 :P)


Anyway, this ndc was very special too.. because:

1. I broke the octos curse.
2. I got a 77..... from LELOY. :P
3. We broke not because other teams got capped.
4. I gave an LO speech in quarters (with the arguments written down 40 seconds before the PM ended his speech).
5. The inuman sessions.
6. The real friends were there.
7. New friendships were born.
8. It's history for San Beda.
9. its Gian's first time to break (in NDC, nagbreak na nga pala sya sa AUDC)and semis na si puta.
10. Aaron broke.
11. The inuman sessions ulit, i swear i wont spill our dares. hehe


To the people who believed (and even those who didn't believe) that we can make it this far in NDC, thanks. :)

To the people who never cease to inspire me: Kip (thanks for training me, thanks for believing that something good would eventually come out from my speeches), Aaron, Lel (salamat sa 77 pare), chars, sharms (i know i'm in good hands when you are in the room), Sir dolor, Sir Joevs, Bok.

To the people that made NDC extra fun:
Gian, Berna, Carlo, Nat, Pat, Faith, Nano, James, Jay, Cala, Stephan, Vic, Myco, Ces (and all our ADS friends), Noel and RJ of SU, Analyn of SLU, Bj (even if you werent with us), Sir Joevs, Ate rose space lyn, kuya mark, Suzy, tima, ryan, barny, Sam and Marj (i still think frame nyo ang pinakamahirap takasan) Salamat.


To the SBDS contingent: Gian, Jed, trish, Jp, Rafi, Aaron/Tatut, geoff, bitoi, pao, badet,irene... thanks for being there I love you all ( in a non-sexual way) hahahaha.


Ps: One more shout out to carlo. our sponsor.Salamat pare.:p si arvin din, the jacket is mine. and to miko and gica, a well deserved win. rematch tayo next time. :p

I'm really considering going to NDC one last time, one more shot to get out of octos, to break at a higher rank. to reach the farthest i can... anyway, we won in the octo finals, our next match is on the 26th against admu. hehehe



i personally searched for this, this is a poem by ginger:

Hello, stranger - you came just in time
I look for your face in a crowd, or in line

Hello, stranger - not a moment too soon
See, that old picture's fading in the drawer of my room
Now toys have gone lost, baby teeth have come loose
There were accidents involving stitches, spilt juice
Report cards were shown, and one time I got sick
But it's nothing I couldn't catch you up on real quick

Hello, stranger - I saved you a place
And it hardly seems strange now that I've seen your face

We finally made it to the break rounds of AUDC.


10 years of trying (first break was 97 [or 98?] all asians), and we finally broke again. We broke 13th, the last of within the 5-2 bracket. We had low scores but we still made it by defeating some of the stronger teams.

I wanna thank many people (parang beauty pageant lang) who made AUDC fun... :) :

1. my partners gian and bok, ang galing nyo, sobra. bow ako. sinandwich nyo nga ako diba (because im the weakest, lolz)??? hahah (gian got a 78 sa octos, ako 75 lang. grr. Till Next AUDC :)Alex (our adj), you have so much potential in you. ingat ka sa ateneo. we'll miss you.

2. BJ, Aaron, Biboy and Che! (si BJ pang DCA na.) haha Che and Pauline, thanks for sharing your matter with us. :)

3. The rest of the Philippine contingent (congrats kina glenn, lel and sharms, pati kina miko, DS [pinahirapan mo kami sa bagahe mo, sobra... hahaha], at KIPPPPPPPPP [idol], DLSU-A, CSB A/B, UST A/B, Silliman [galing!], UPD, UPM, and ADMu C-E. ang sarap maging Pilipino!!! :)

4. NOrman, Kenny, and Pam. thanks to norman for ironing out our registration and transportationd etails, pam and kenny, our best friends in indonesia, pam, you are the most lovable LO ever. thanks for shouting with us every day!!! sorry for the hassles and thanks for treating us! kenny, thanks for taking care of us in jakarta!!!



i miss indonesia. see you guys next year :)

My team didn't make it to the break rounds of PIDC.

Funny as it may seem, I dont feel as bitter as I expected myself to be. It's not like NDC octos, with bitterness and all because you know you didn't do your best.

I know I did my best, and so did my teammates, gian and arvin. It just feels bad that the oral adj in two of the three rounds that we lost were poorly explained(i.e. duffie and wyndale dissented as chairs and rookie adjes gave the horrible explanation). I told Kip (who btw, didnt break [and its a surprise considering how good he is] that in the 7th round, I would commit the most hideous debate mistakes ever. :))


Jayson: This debate is dedicated to all the people i have teamed up with. first, Argel. Who is argel? he is..... next, eds. who is eds? she is.... next.... (6th minute tap)
Kip (PM SPEECH): You know ive debated this motion before, and in response to the whip speaker of that debate...


Special thanks to the people who made my PIDC really full of fun =) :

the members of Partidong Umaagapay sa mga Kasambahay na Inaapi (P.U.K.I.):

Rose space Lyn -Donya Etang Bagonggahasa
Gian and Mark- Brando and Bruno Braganza
Arvin- Choleng Mahilig/ IC Mendoza/ Delia Magat
BJ- Chona Mae Chavez
Vicky- Fukiko Laylayna
Pat- Maria Palad
Suzy- Susana
Barny-Chiquitita
Wyndale- Mr. Shooli
Faith- Tinay

and the people who cant be named:

PACITA/Flor COntemplacion
PAquita
George
Liwayway Illuminada
Pacifica Palaypay
Bebang
Debra
Maricar
Becky.
Dinky Doo
Tiny


in short, pabahuan tayo ng pangalan. yeah :D



cheers,

Badong Braganza

(i was browsing my notebook last night and i found this piece i wrote probably because of a boring class, or while i was on a trip, or probably i was just stupid. ^^ )

what is love, really?

if its so beautiful, why does it make
people cry because of heartaches?

if its ugly, why do people covet it?

if its worth living for, why do lovers
take their lives for it?

If its fatal, why do some people live
because of it?
if its easy to find, why do people
spend forever to find that someone,
most of the time getting hurt because
of wrong decisions?

If its complicated and hard to find,
why fo you see it in the eyes of a
child?

what is love, really. who deserves it?
who should be avoided?

How can it be perfect and blemished at
the same time?

*i miss travelling, seeing the
mountains, and writing.

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You are The Chariot

Triumph, Victory, Overcoming Obstacles.

The chariot is one of the most complex cards to define. On its most basic level, it implies war, a struggle, and an eventual, hard-won victory. Either over enemies, obstacles, nature, the beasts inside you, or to just get what you want. But there is a great deal more to it. The charioteer wears emblems of the sun, yet the sign behind this card is the moon. The chariot is all about motion, and yet it is often shown as stationary. It is a union of opposites, like the black and white steeds. They pull in different directions, but must be (and can be!) made to go together in one direction. Control is required over opposing emotions, wants, needs, people, circumstances; bring them together and give them a single direction, your direction. Confidence is also needed and, most especially, motivation. The card can, in fact, indicate new motivation or inspiration, which gets a stagnant situation moving again.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

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During the IISDC, i have been thinking of not enrolling for this semester, it wouldn't make much of a difference anyway, I won't graduate in March 2007, and I dont wanna march on October, meaning, I would have to split my load in order for me to graduate by March 2008. I was planning to work, and save for lawschool (I dont wanna ask money from my parents once im in lawschool na). But I still enrolled, probably because I am still afraid to be independent (or be partly self-supporting).

Anyway, like every semester i encountered, i thought that the first week of classes will be the last week of sem break--- I was wrong. On monday, we (my block) connfirmed the most dreaded news--- our professor in tax1 will handle the tax2 subject. We are originally 30 in the block, but every tax2, the class only has 21 students. nine failed tax in our block, and 21 in the entire batch failed (which means that aside from me, there are 21 people who wont graduate on time---how painful).

I got Atty. Golez (ADMU LAW) for my -other civil laws- subject, she's cute, but too sweet for a law professor. I also got Prof. Palo (omg) for the strategic management subject. Terror daw sya sa ateneo, nampucha, mas terror sya sa Beda. :( I just have to be thankful i didnt get him in any of the 4 accounting subjects i had, especially management accounting. he's the reason why i hafta write a 20 page business plan about a "fictional" company. And thats just assignment, not even project.

I also think there's something wrong with San Beda's BS LM curriculum. On your senior year, you get the subjects Philippine Literature and Rizal for the first sem, and the subject Art Appreciation (humanities) and World Literature for the second sem, these subjects eat up a lot of your time, the last year should be devoted for the major subjects (but on the bright side, at least its not just law... i'd be sooo haggard if that happens), plus the professors feel that their subject is a Major, they give a lot of quizzes, paperworks, activities, and stuffs that eat your time to digest cases.

Anyway, these things arent the reason why this semester is depressing. In 18 weeks, the first batch of Bedan Legal Management Graduates will get their diplomas, they'll enjoy the summer and get to lawschool next year. Almost all of my batch took the first exam of Ateneo Law (which is my first choice for lawschool btw, ADMU, SBC, then UP,) and they're excited to see the results, I am so, so bitter because i should have been with them in these things, the graduation thrill, the lawschool excitedness....

Oh well, i just have to live in college til next Academic Year, its not the end of everything, but not being able to graduate this year shattered one of my ultimate dreams--- to be one of the youngest lawyers ever graduated.

When you really dont love what you study in college, its more likely that you'll get out of track, so for highschool people out there (and probably for other people in college), dont take a program just because somebody told you to take it (I am so glad i shifted). AND NEVER MAKE MONEY YOUR MOTIVATION FOR STUDYING (hint:nursing).

Do the thing that you love most, and you'll never feel like working. Ever.

There really is a time when you hafta grow up, whether you like it or not. I think its my time. *sigh*

Whew.

Ive never updated this semester. haha. nakakalito na.

It feels good to wake up late morning, with no worries about my digests, papers, and uhm, theology readings. :)) And its good to wake up a day after the FINALS! (when people ask me, "hows the exam?" i tell them "Tangina, hirap na nga ako sa pagsagot, tapos aalalahanin ko pa ulit? di na!" :p) My last exam was Income Taxation--- the very interesting law subject, my favorite, actually (i love being sarcastic.hehe), pagpasok ko sa room kagabi, sabi ko "tangina, magdradrawing na lang ako ng flag sa booklet na may caption na 'I surrender.'" pucha.

Surprisingly, the exam was not that hard, nakakapressure lang talaga, Minimum Corporate Income Tax, Improperly Accumulated Earnings Tax, what is the implication of this, and that... waah. Di ko rin natapos yung wxam, wala nga atang nakatapos sa batch ko eh, buti nalang inuna ko yung 10points worth na question. haha. Anyway, akala ko ba ayaw ko na alalahanin ang exams. haha

Hmmm... at least the only thing that worries me is NDC. three days nalang. Im not ready yet!!!! Are you?

What Your Underwear Says About You

When you're bad, you're very bad. And when you're good, you're still trouble! You're not afraid to lay around resting your hand in your pants.

No comment again. hahaha....

Your Kissing Purity Score: 43% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Uh. No comment. (i'd like to see czarina's score though) :))

darn.


im bored.